Calling a Parent! How To Have A Productive Conversation

As teachers, it’s something we all find ourselves doing countless times a year. Communication and building positive relationships with families are essential to student success, but, like anything, calling someone you don’t necessarily know can be intimidating. For the most part, these conversations are pleasant and go smoothly, but sometimes they can be awkward or unsettling for a variety of reasons. Adding to the tension, we often call after work hours when parents are tired, preparing dinner, or managing after-school activities—on top of having to deliver news that may not be entirely positive about their child. It could be related to concerning academic performance, behavioral issues during the school day, or an incident that took place at school. This can be intimidating because we never quite know how the conversation will unfold, and the last thing we want to do is start this relationship on a negative note.

As you gain more experience as a teacher, these calls don’t necessarily get easier, but you do become more comfortable with them. You learn how to navigate tricky situations and share difficult news in a way that’s both approachable and empathetic, all while striving for a positive outcome.

In this article, we’ll go over a few simple steps you can take to ease the nerves you’re feeling and ensure you’re prepared for your conversation, helping you come across as professional, competent, and capable of delivering information appropriately.

Be Prepared- Take Notes

Before you pick up the phone, make sure to jot down a few quick bullet points outlining what you intend to discuss and the key points of the conversation. There’s nothing worse than being on a call and having a parent ask for clarification on situations, issues, or data, only for you to be unable to provide it. This can leave the parent feeling frustrated and, unfortunately, make you appear as though you don’t have a full understanding of the situation. I consider this tip to be the most important because, as teachers, so many things happen during the day. Being responsible for 20-30 students means you’re constantly multitasking and overseeing a wide range of situations. It’s normal to forget certain details in the heat of the moment. After a long school day, we’re at our most tired and mentally drained—this is probably the most important time to have notes, ensuring you’re not caught without answers during the call.

A helpful side note to this tip is to send a message ahead of the phone call, outlining what will be discussed. This gives the parent a heads-up on the issue and allows you to dive straight into the talking points, rather than spending time providing background information that could have been shared in writing. It makes the call more efficient and shows respect for both your time and the parent’s.

Don’t Over Talk

Calling a parent can be a nerve-wracking situation. When we’re nervous, we tend to over-talk. One key thing to remember is to be concise with your talking points, as most families are busy and want to get straight to the heart of the conversation. While it’s important to be courteous and kind on the phone, remember that this isn’t a casual chat with a friend. It’s a professional discussion about your job and the education of a student in your care.

Once you’ve covered your key points, make sure to listen actively and give the parents ample time to talk, ask questions, and share their opinions. Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective and avoid letting the conversation become one-sided.

As mentioned earlier, having a plan and jotting down some bullet points will help you stay focused, prevent over-talking due to nerves, and keep the conversation on track.

Be Yourself + It Gets Better With Time

One thing I always remind myself before each conversation is to just be yourself. You’re talking to another person, so try to have a normal conversation and not overthink it. Remember, those slightly awkward moments are completely normal. Everyone, no matter the industry, has conversations that sometimes don’t flow naturally. It might be something you’re doing, or it could be the person on the other end of the call—they might be nervous, tired, distracted, or even having a rough day. The list goes on.

Don’t be too hard on yourself; these things get easier with time and experience. And above all, remember that your role in these conversations is to deliver the necessary information and maintain an open line of communication so you can understand the parents’ needs and concerns. That’s the goal. The purpose isn’t to make the person on the other end laugh, chat casually, or build a friendship. While it’s definitely nice to have strong relationships with the parents of the students you teach (it can make things much smoother throughout the year), it’s not a realistic or essential expectation to put on yourself.

In my experience, parents are, for the most part, wonderful. They truly appreciate the time and effort you put into teaching their children and value your insight and guidance. I’ve received countless messages from parents, sharing kind and thoughtful words at the end of the year and during the tougher moments. These messages of gratitude are ones you never forget and make all the challenging times throughout the school year worthwhile. At the end of the day, parents simply want the best for their children, and anyone who shows they care and is putting in the effort is exactly what they hope for and appreciate.

Parents are your biggest ally, and having a strong, positive relationship with them, along with their support, will make your role as their child’s teacher a lot easier. Together, as a team, you can create better learning outcomes for the students in your care.

Facts About Teachers Contacting Parents!

Teachers typically engage in a variety of communication methods, including phone calls, emails, and in-person meetings. The frequency of phone calls often correlates with the need to discuss academic progress, behavioural concerns, or personal matters affecting a student’s learning experience.
Frequency Range: A study by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES)found that about 40% of teachers report making contact with parents about once a month or more, with phone calls being a common method for more urgent or personal communication. Teachers in elementary schools often make contact more frequently (e.g., monthly) compared to middle or high school teachers.

Grade Level Variance:

Research from the University of Michigan indicated that elementary school teachers are more likely to make phone calls to parents, with some teachers making 10-20 calls a year for positive or negative academic concerns. Middle and high school teachers typically make fewer calls, averaging about 3-5 calls per year, as students become more independent and communication shifts toward written or digital forms.

Purpose of Contact:

A study published in the Journal of Educational Psychology found that phone calls are often used for behavioural or academic concerns and are less common for routine updates, as other forms of communication like emails or parent-teacher conferences serve these purposes.

Teacher-Parent Communication Statistics:

Frequency of Phone Calls: The National Education Association (NEA) reports that teachers may initiate anywhere from 1 to 3 phone calls per week, depending on individual circumstances. For example, a teacher working with students who require additional support or have special needs might reach out more often, while a teacher handling larger classes may only call parents in case of critical issues.

Parent-Teacher Conferences:

Many teachers view parent-teacher conferences as their primary mode of communication, often scheduling two conferences per year per student (one per semester). However, phone calls are more likely to occur in the event of a significant issue that requires immediate attention, such as behavioural problems or academic struggles.

Impact of Technology:

With the advent of digital tools (such as school portals, class newsletters, and group messaging apps), phone calls may be less frequent than they used to be. However, some studies indicate that up to 30% of teachers still prefer phone calls for issues requiring more personal engagement, such as discussing sensitive matters with parents.

Sources:

National Center for Education Statistics (NCES). (2018). “The Condition of Education 2018.” NCES 2018-144. U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education Sciences.
University of Michigan School of Education. (2020). “Parent-Teacher Communication and Engagement in the Elementary Classroom.”
Journal of Educational Psychology. (2019). “Teacher-Parent Communication Patterns: Academic and Behavioral Discussions.”
National Education Association (NEA). “Communication Between Teachers and Parents.”
Pew Research Center. (2020). “The State of K-12 Education in the U.S.”